I'm proud of the way I ended the year and brought in the new one. I hugged a bunch of total strangers, I drank too much, I tried new things.. I wasn't myself and I loved it. I want that new girl to come back.. She's fearless!!

When I have your phone, I read your messages to see if you have ben texting him. And if you have, to see what you talk about.

You were texting him on Friday.
You were going out to see him.
He said that you could take your pajamas.

I wanted to scream.
Him saying that was proving what I have thought since the begining.

He's sick of being alone, so nows he wants you back for company..

I want to scream at you.
Both of you.
To get it into your heads.

STOP DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER!

I'm never going to forgive him.

Not ever.

I keep thinking about that day when you came to tell me what happened and what was going to happen.

The look on your face haunts me.

I'm not going to forgive him.

And when you go home,

I'm not going with you.

I'm not going to watch you pretend like it didn't happen.

Everytime you mention him,

I just fill up with all this hate.

I can't belive you are going back to him after what he did,

what he said.


What happens in another 18 months?

When he gets sick of us again?

Are we just gonna up and move out for another few months?

Well, I'm not going to wait around to find out.

Okay, I will admitt that I shot you down when you reached. I only did that because you had found someone new to confide in. You two got on way better than we ever did. You had somuch fun with her. Whenever you were with me, we never had that fun. I'm never not going to want you in my life. You are a big part of it. I lost a person like that once, and I'm not going to happen again. And you don't text me either. And if we do text the conversation usually dies pretty quickly. Yes, usually that is because I don't offer much. But if you ever wanted to talk, yo could always call me (once you got my number obviously). I would call you but I never know when you are home. I love hanging out with you. Just us. But I worry that you will spend the time thinking about how much more fun you could be having with Kate and Dara. And now that I live on the other side of Christchurch, there isn't much of a chance that we can meet up, is there?

Believe me when I say, I miss you.
We have so many great memories.
We have had many great times.

And I hope we have many more..

I realised something just now..

I don't know who you are anymore.

Right now, I just want someone who will sit there and listen to me vent.

About how much I hate him, both of them, for destroying any faith I had left in males.

About how it would be nice to stay in one place for more than 2 years.


I don't think I've ever hurt like this.

Go home.
I don't want you here.
Things aren't going to change when we go home.
I can tell.

I found that letter I wrote you..

But you'll never know what it says..

Until I read it to you grave..

Why?

Why do you let him do this?
Why do you let him turn you on and off like a tap?
-When he's lonely we're okay to have around, but once he gets sick of it, it's time to leave.
Why do you keep going back?
Why do you treat you like that?
Why don't you see it?
Why haven't you picked up on the pattern?

Why haven't you stopped it?

Why..?

Now that I have remembered that day, I can see it so clearly in my mind.
Who was that girl?
Why would she do that?

No. You don't get it.

I found this on PostSecret..

Take a picture of your life...
Remember what it looks like
Before it all changes...