You tell me everything is okay.
You tell me not to worry.

I tell you I know that.
I laugh it off.

But really..
I'm terrified.

Maybe one day I will be able to tell you the truth about why I left.

Today when I was sitting in the Gym looking around I got thinking. I don't think I'm ready to leave Ellesmere yet. I don't even know how to exlain it. Something just doesn't feel right. It's probably just nerves. I know I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. Three different people have told me that. Two of which I trust whole-heartedly.

But that didn't stop the tears last night. It's been so long since I cried myself to sleep. And crying over something like that makes it even more pathetic.

The worst part is..
You'll never know how much you meant to me without even trying.

Right now I'm feeling so many things I feel sick. I'm sad but happy, scared but excited, and so many other things I can't even describe.

But most of all I'm sad.

All I want to do is burst into tears.

The next three days are going to be hard. It's the only time I have left with a lot of my mates at Ellesmere. Lets face it, after exams I won't see a lot of them again. I'm not really sure what I think about that. It still hasn't really sunk in that I won't be back there with them next year..

I don't know why but for some reason I suddenly feel really loney.. I'm getting what I want but I'm not sure that I'm as happy as I say I am.

I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and it feels great! :)